Next Exit: You've Lost It.

I’ve had the same combination lock since I graduated high school in 1988. I remember using it to hold my stuff in Boelter Hall at UCLA. The next time I remember using the lock was when I started exercising. I’ve used the lock on a regular basis for years as I lock my gym bag behind a metal door.

But, imagine my dismay when one day, I returned to my gym locker and couldn’t remember the combination. It felt like when I can’t find quite the word I want to say. Usually the word ends up confused and combined with another word that means a similar thing. That is what happened to me with the lock. I was recalling numbers that had nothing to do with my lock: my phone numbers, my address, my birthday, for example.  It took a long time before I was finally able to access the right place in my memory.

I wonder how it is that this happened. I wonder how something I use so often could get overshadowed by other information. I wish when I can’t find the right word, I could afford to take the time to search my memory for as long as I did with the combination. But, usually I’m engaging in ‘interpersonal communication’ and can’t ask the other party to ‘please hold’….

But, the episode is also a bit scary. We all fear losing it. We look for signs we are on that path. For those 10-15 minutes, I felt like I was on that ramp to losing it. Thank goodness, I haven’t been on that path since. But, I’m searching for the next sign of my exit from sanity. I hope it never comes.