Moments

This morning I realized we really are alone when it comes to ‘moments’.  Occasionally I share a moment with someone, but I doubt we see the moment the same way.

I spent this morning in melancholy because I’m bloated, wearing my laundry day pants, and my roots are showing. I went from station to station on the radio. I listened to a bit of talk and a bit of music before all the channels simultaneously went to commercial. Then, I turned on the CD. The next track happened to be from a CD with music from when I was dancing with a Bollywood troupe. One song, that I’ve always liked came on and took me right back to all the good moments this sound has been the sound track for, most recently, and most importantly my wedding day. I drove myself to the hair salon. It was raining softly. This song is about rain. It mimics the approach of a storm, and then swells into a deluge, and then it drops down back to silence. The music fills my heart. (That’s corny to say, but how else can I explain it?) The drums and voice and strings rise and fall and my emotions follow.

I sat in my car, parked in the garage at work until the song finishes. Then I realized this moment was alone. The moment it reminded me of was also alone. Would anyone understand it if I shared it? We spend so much time alone. How would my experiences be different if I spend my time in a crowded metropolis, commuting on a train or crowded bus? Would home be the refuge it is if it was one of many tiny apartments in a multi story building without an elevator? Would I be reliving my moment if my office was one of those open places where there aren’t even cubicle walls to separate me from my neighbor?

How different would things be for me if my community was not in an individualistic culture? Would I crave the company? Would I only see my moments with others in it? Would I long for ‘me’ time? Would my moment still feel like only I’ve experienced it? Are we alone in our moments, really?