How to be a Responsible Adult

You go to college to prepare for your future. You get up; You go to work; You drink barrels of coffee. You see your coworkers for more hours a day than your own family. They ask you stuff; You ask them stuff. Both of you make stuff up in response. You talk about who got kicked off yesterday on Dancing with the Stars. Then, you go to lunch. Everyday, it’s a different restaurant. When you run out of new restaurants, you brown bag it and play ping-pong during lunch. Afterward you throw in a few hours of paper shuffling that satisfies the boss enough to give you your weekly pay. It’s just enough to keep your ex-wife living in the style she’s grown accustomed and you in your studio apartment. At the end of the day you get home exhausted; fit only to drink one or two beers in front of the friend that’s stuck around through thick and thin, TV. You watch Biggest Loser and take comfort that at least you’re not that fat. Finally, you go to bed. The next morning you get up and do it all again.

An Initiate

For one day, I felt part like an initiate. I sat at a late night eatery after a gig with two veterans of the hey day of stand up comedy. One of these guys was my mentor that prepared me and others for our day on the stage. It took six weeks to prepare for our seven to ten minute bits. The audience was friendly. Why not, most of them had been invited by myself and the other beginners. They were our friends and family. They were rooting for us. It was awesome! I’m still floating. I enjoyed figuring out my introduction and seeing the M.C. do his thing with it. I enjoyed being asked if I wanted to use the mike stand or not. I enjoyed the sound check. I enjoyed being in the wings with the other budding comics listing to the person on stage. The performers included us seven in the stand up comedy class. Most of us were complete novices. But, a couple had some limited stand up experience. One has a day job but performs at the local clubs from time to time. The two other performers are the NYC transplants that regaled those that stayed to have a late night dinner with stories about their life. They told us about the nice and not so nice famous people they’ve worked with: Their experience of being on a late night show, Their experience working the stand-up comedy clubs when a comic could make a living going up and down the Atlantic coast at  various discos turned comedy clubs. It was an awesome experience and I’ll love it for ever. But, it’s unlikely that I’ll ever go on stage again in this capacity. It’s too hard and it’s too much work. However, I have learned something that will help me for ever. I’ve learned a bit of how to be funny. People listen when you’re funny. I love the attention, so I will work on being funny again. But, the stage will be my own life.

Television Biscuits

Aren’t biscuits delicious? One day I was watching a morning show while getting ready for work. A woman was preparing biscuits and said how easy they are to make. So, I thought, I would make some.

I went online to the show’s website and found the recipe. It was only a few ingredients. Some kneading and rolling out was required. But, as long as yeast wasn’t required; and it wasn’t, it seemed like easy goings. I’ve kneaded and rolled out crusts for tarts in the past, so I thought it would be simple. After all, she said it would be easy.

But, this dough was tacky. I couldn’t put enough flour on my hands or counter to keep it from sticking. Instead of rolling out the dough and cutting out the biscuits, I decided to make balls and press them into the sheet like cookies.

But, I had only a few, less than delicious, biscuits to show for all my efforts. When these things don’t work out the way I would like, I don’t feel inclined to try it again. So, now, whenever I taste a biscuit, whether store bought or home made, I appreciate the effort that went into it and call it good as long as it’s satisfactory.

Give me that ol'time religion.

For the last several months, I’ve been trying out religion. There are always initiates that are eager to bring guests with them on their regular visits to church. But, now my initiate has over loaded my mind with all the nuances that drove me away in the first place. I can only assume that nuances are simply a misspelling of nuisances.

I’ve been here before. Maybe I just need to try another church. I’ve only really ventured into one particular denomination. I assume that religion is like skin color, you get for life what you’re born into…unless you’re Michael Jackson. Maybe I should just let him RIP.

In any case, I wonder if being religious is a trait you are born with like athletic ability. You either have it or you don’t. I’ve only ever been along for the ride…because my parents forced me to go.

But, I’ve noticed my parents’ beliefs aren’t too ingrained either. They too seem to be going through the motions. They never really taught us much about it. They just took us to church from time to time. We rarely mentioned God at home, unless it was to ward off a bad future. For example, when they part company with friends or family, they say, “See you soon, God willing.” It seems an odd sentiment to me.

Perhaps their religious habit was instilled at an early age. But, it wasn’t ingrained in me. I know that I feel super confident on a bicycle because I learned at an early age. But, I don’t feel as confident on roller blades because I learned as an adult. Maybe it’s just practice. However, I haven’t had much practice in believing. I doubt that getting into the actions of religion will make me religious, though. Maybe, I’m just one of those that will have to suffer alone. It would be nice to have G. to turn to. But, I don’t feel motivated in that direction.

The Smell of Warm

Today I walked in to a cold room that smelled warm. What an odd thing, for one sense to remind me of another. The fragrance struck the same notes as the warm dust that is the prelude for a California furnace that has been restarted after a long Spring-Summer-Fall caesura.

Then, I walked into a neighboring room. The fragrance grew stronger. It was coffee. I had never noticed coffee smelled like warm dust.

Blah Blah Blah

 

Is there anyone that wakes up feeling energized, healthy, and strong? I don’t remember feeling otherwise as a child. But, adulthood has slapped me into a permanent ennui. I’m not sure if my aches and pains are a manifestation of my tired psyche. Or, maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe my aches and pains dull my enthusiasm.

In any case, I pretend to feel up. My feelings shouldn’t be a pestilence on the people in my proximity.  It’s not fair to them. It would be as unkind as sticking my leg out in their path and causing them to trip. Likewise, I mustn’t trip up their outlook on their day.

But, it is not always easy. Sometimes, it feels easier to spare them my company. Unfortunately, sometimes it is their company that boosts my spirits. I wish that sometimes, I am a boost to their’s. I hope today, I can find the right company. Someone that is strong enough to be near me and not be affected by unhappiness; someone that has enthusiasm to spare.

…I guess I don’t have much to complain about. I have income, a home, food; but don’t we all like to feel sorry for ourselves from time to time?

Give me a human voice.

Today, I called the USPS to coordinate a redelivery. Of course, an automated, female-sounding voice answered. The voice asked me to say this and that. But, I found myself resenting it. I don’t like talking to machines.

My outlook has been shaped by the idea, that it’s only the insane, or at least slightly off that talk to inanimate objects. However, more and more the trend is for us to interact electronically to get service. This strikes me as odd.

Whenever they speak of jobs created they list that the service industry is growing. Yet, it seems more and more, when I call a business for service, I get the automated voice. It ticks me off.

I push random buttons until the lady voice says something like “Sorry I’m having trouble understanding. I’ll transfer you to an operator.” Finally! Just what I wanted in the first place.

Perhaps the younger generation that enjoys updating their status on twitter via their mobile phone doesn’t mind interacting with the voice recognition system. But, I prefer using language with humans, not computer programs.