The Smell of Warm

Today I walked in to a cold room that smelled warm. What an odd thing, for one sense to remind me of another. The fragrance struck the same notes as the warm dust that is the prelude for a California furnace that has been restarted after a long Spring-Summer-Fall caesura.

Then, I walked into a neighboring room. The fragrance grew stronger. It was coffee. I had never noticed coffee smelled like warm dust.

Blah Blah Blah

 

Is there anyone that wakes up feeling energized, healthy, and strong? I don’t remember feeling otherwise as a child. But, adulthood has slapped me into a permanent ennui. I’m not sure if my aches and pains are a manifestation of my tired psyche. Or, maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe my aches and pains dull my enthusiasm.

In any case, I pretend to feel up. My feelings shouldn’t be a pestilence on the people in my proximity.  It’s not fair to them. It would be as unkind as sticking my leg out in their path and causing them to trip. Likewise, I mustn’t trip up their outlook on their day.

But, it is not always easy. Sometimes, it feels easier to spare them my company. Unfortunately, sometimes it is their company that boosts my spirits. I wish that sometimes, I am a boost to their’s. I hope today, I can find the right company. Someone that is strong enough to be near me and not be affected by unhappiness; someone that has enthusiasm to spare.

…I guess I don’t have much to complain about. I have income, a home, food; but don’t we all like to feel sorry for ourselves from time to time?

Give me a human voice.

Today, I called the USPS to coordinate a redelivery. Of course, an automated, female-sounding voice answered. The voice asked me to say this and that. But, I found myself resenting it. I don’t like talking to machines.

My outlook has been shaped by the idea, that it’s only the insane, or at least slightly off that talk to inanimate objects. However, more and more the trend is for us to interact electronically to get service. This strikes me as odd.

Whenever they speak of jobs created they list that the service industry is growing. Yet, it seems more and more, when I call a business for service, I get the automated voice. It ticks me off.

I push random buttons until the lady voice says something like “Sorry I’m having trouble understanding. I’ll transfer you to an operator.” Finally! Just what I wanted in the first place.

Perhaps the younger generation that enjoys updating their status on twitter via their mobile phone doesn’t mind interacting with the voice recognition system. But, I prefer using language with humans, not computer programs.

The Mornings Last Longer.

Mornings are not my thing. I don’t remember if they ever were. But, I do remember jumping up out of bed before the 7am alarm could wake my roommate in college. I don’t remember the long start up time that I feel now, twenty years later. These are the things about aging they don’t tell you. It is easy to see the physical changes: the skin, hair, and girth. Old people tell you about the difficulty healing or jumping as high. But, it never dawned on me that these changes would make my mornings longer.

When I was younger all I did was get out of bed and maybe put my hair in a pony tail and brush my teeth. Now, this process of grooming takes much longer. It requires blow dryers, flat irons, and hair goop. That’s just for the hair. Then my face requires lotions and makeup to look not nearly half as good as youth did. It’s too bad that we don’t appreciate how good we have it when we are younger.

As an adult, I knew things would be different. But, I kept thinking maybe I’ll feel the energy I used to if only I sleep well. I thought a good night’s sleep was all I needed to rejuvenate my face too. But, after so many nights of hoping to recover my vitality, I’ve realized, it’s only going to keep changing. What I see in the mirror and what I feel in my joints are due to age more than lack of sleep. In truth, I sleep pretty well. But, I’m not feeling my best until after noon. I guess that’s what twenty years has done to me.

Juicy Fruit Drippings

I like to eat oranges, and mangoes, and watermelon and pretty much any other juicy sweet fruit that leaves my hands in need of a washing. I also enjoy those stringy bits that get stuck between my teeth. I like it especially on a summer night when the air has turned cooler but the earth is still hot. I enjoy looking out into the darkness and feeling the heat from below, the cool from above, and the juicy in my mouth.

Some people would cut up the fruit and eat it with utensils to avoid getting too many drippings. But, for me, the more senses I can engage in consuming the fruit, the better. Its better when more surface area gets tangled up in the activity. The skin on my chin and the skin on my arms and sometimes the skin on my legs add to my enjoyment when a dripping fall and spreads.

Next Exit: You've Lost It.

I’ve had the same combination lock since I graduated high school in 1988. I remember using it to hold my stuff in Boelter Hall at UCLA. The next time I remember using the lock was when I started exercising. I’ve used the lock on a regular basis for years as I lock my gym bag behind a metal door.

But, imagine my dismay when one day, I returned to my gym locker and couldn’t remember the combination. It felt like when I can’t find quite the word I want to say. Usually the word ends up confused and combined with another word that means a similar thing. That is what happened to me with the lock. I was recalling numbers that had nothing to do with my lock: my phone numbers, my address, my birthday, for example.  It took a long time before I was finally able to access the right place in my memory.

I wonder how it is that this happened. I wonder how something I use so often could get overshadowed by other information. I wish when I can’t find the right word, I could afford to take the time to search my memory for as long as I did with the combination. But, usually I’m engaging in ‘interpersonal communication’ and can’t ask the other party to ‘please hold’….

But, the episode is also a bit scary. We all fear losing it. We look for signs we are on that path. For those 10-15 minutes, I felt like I was on that ramp to losing it. Thank goodness, I haven’t been on that path since. But, I’m searching for the next sign of my exit from sanity. I hope it never comes.

Ketchup

Today, I want to bring up a subject that is important to me. That subject is ketchup. I like the taste of ketchup. Its tart-sweetness adds just the right zest to so many dishes. But, not everyone shares my fondness for ketchup. Rather, some think that the way I express my affection for ketchup is odd.

Last week, I had breakfast with a very good friend. We ate at a Hawaiian restaurant. The buffet included a delicious fried rice dish. Mixed into the item were bits of egg and sausage. When she saw me pour ketchup into the mix, she made a disapproving face. She followed that up by a disapproving comment. That is not the first time she has found my use of ketchup odd. I also enjoy my tuna salad with ketchup. She thinks ketchup and tuna is an even odder combination than fried rice and ketchup.

But, you know what? I like that it is odd.  I enjoy being a little weird. We all want to be special. We all want to be unique. Weird implies unique.

It is too late for me to become a rock star. I have no special talent in sports or the arts. One thing that distinguishes me is my set of quirks. My love of ketchup is only one of them. I do enjoy my weirdness. I also enjoy the quirks in you! Those are the qualities that make you special. As long as your quirks do no harm, embrace them. Because those are the things people remember about you. People might love them; they might hate them. But, they remember them. 

p.s. One place I will not put ketchup is on my hot dog. Ketchup doesn't belong on hot dogs.