Why get married?

Some say that marriage is just a formality; that it’s just paper work. But, I disagree. Marriage is a commitment that two people will join together and live for each other.

But, there’s a lot more at stake than two people. There is a community that stands behind this couple and supports them in their life together. All the people from the two families are invested in the success of the union. There are also other people, like friends or children that stand along the couple that are part of the glue that will help keep these two together and achieving a good future. Thus, marriage is a stronger commitment between two people because there are more than two people involved.

Further, it’s also a commitment to the government. Marriage is a legally binding institution. Societies know that marriage is good for the betterment of the community, so a marriage is a concept that societies validate. Women and children do better in a home where there is a husband that acts as father to the children. We all do better when our neighbors do well.

Finally, and most importantly, marriage is a commitment with God: A covenant, a sacrament. The religious need no further argument. The irreligious will never hear an argument about God that sways them. So, I won’t go on about this point.

In summary marriage is an important step to showing each other and the community’s others, as well as God, you mean business; when you marry you are telling each other that you can feel safe in the knowledge that the bond between two is for the long run.

I'm Jealous of your relationship with God

Dear Proselytizers,

I love your enthusiasm for God. I admire your faith. In fact, I’m somewhat jealous of the purity of your convictions. I wish I could believe like you do. But, I don’t.

My religious upbringing was not that solid. I have some basic knowledge of the ‘facts’ that drive you to try to convince me to go back. But, I think I would rather sleep in. I believe in what you believe, sort of. But, sometimes when I hear the things you ‘bank’ on, it makes me a bit uncomfortable. Part of it is that I’m just not sure you are right. But, the other part is maybe you are.

In any case, it sounds like a wonderful mythology. However, I have a hard time accepting it as fact and I would just rather do something else on Sunday. I know good deeds count for something, that’s what I’m banking on. See you on the other side, or not.

Sincerely,

The Unholy.

Being Aware from Full to Empty.

Yesterday, I reached into the bag for the next crisp, but found the bag empty. I was so disappointed! The emptiness caught me by surprise. I wish I had been paying attention to the last few chips. Then, I might have savored the last few bites without the mindset there was more coming. I have to be aware of what’s in the sack. Otherwise the bag’s emptiness will catch me by surprise.

Some Word Combos are Weightier than Others.

 

Idioms. I love them. But, they often confuse me. Maybe that is why I notice them and grow to admire them. Maybe because I have to make an effort to understand them, I like them more. If it comes easy, we don’t appreciate it, right?

I am not a native speaker of English. But, I’ve lived in English-speaking-land all my life. How can that be? My foreign-born parents prefer their native tongue to our adopted one. At school, I interact with my school mates in English. I watch TV in English. I speak English with my siblings. But, those sayings that many take for granted some times come up and ‘stick out like a sore thumb’.

It was only recently that someone (born in Germany, but raised in USA interestingly enough) explained what it means for someone to be ‘a pill’. I’m so glad that in the last 20 years the internet has really taken off and now I can go to it to find a translation for those words that mean more than the sum of their parts.

I See You. I Don't See You.

When I was in junior high, P.E. was co-ed. There was a boy in my class that knew all about me. Apparently, he and I went to the same grade school. But, I had no memory of him.

I was surprised that someone could know so many details about what I did in grade school without me having even noticed him. (This was before the internet age, so he wasn’t reading up on me online.) He and I must have shared the halls of the school. But, I was shocked that someone could know me without me knowing him.

I realized that the people that find me interesting will not necessarily be interesting to me, and vice-versa. This lesson served me well in adulthood, I think. I’ve never assumed that those I admire, admire me back, so I’ve been grateful for those that have maintained friendship with me. Since, then I’ve also tried to show my gratitude by showing my interest in those that I would have as friends.  But, I wonder if my gratitude is “coming in load and clear.”

Career Ups and Downs and Ups...

Fresh out of college on my first commute to work, I was so excited! As I drove up the 405, the traffic stopped. I looked around at the other drivers and was confounded by what I saw on the drivers’ faces. It looked like ennui, apathy, and weariness. I felt badly for them. But, I hoped that I would never become one of those legions of working people going through the motions.

However, after a few years and career neglect, my day to day responsibilities no longer excited me.  I grew as weary as those zombies I had watched driving up the freeway. For a while I went through the motions.

One day, I realized that neither my boss nor my job can provide what must come from me. I found that I get personal satisfaction from putting in a good day’s work. I feel pride for what I’ve accomplished. Though growth isn’t so acute nowadays, there is still something to learn. Now, what I learn must be driven by me.

Inaugural Thought: Just Ask For It!

Why don’t women ask for what we want?

I’ve always thought that when it comes to my personal relationships, I need to ask for what I want. That’s the only way someone can know what I want. People can’t read minds after all. If I don’t get what I want, and I don’t say what I want, then I have no one to blame but myself. However, if I ask and don’t receive, then I think I’m entitled to pull out the ‘big guns’

But, I’ve not really felt I could ask at work. But, all that changed when I read ‘Women Don’t Ask.’ I learned women lose out on promotions, raises, and perks simply because we don’t ask. We assume that if we do well, we’ll be rewarded. But, I’ve learned that’s not how the men do it. They have no shame in asking for more. Sometimes, they get shot down. But, more often they get the extra money or the exiting project while we toil away hoping that someone will recognize our good work.

Now, I finally asked for something I wanted at work. I wasn’t sure I could have it.  But, I didn’t see any reason why I couldn’t. I was excited to ask. I didn’t know which way it would go, so my excitement went a bit into nervousness. However, I gave myself a little pep talk and asked. AND RECEIVED!

Women need to ask for what we want every chance we can. It’s not self centered. It’s not feeling entitled. It’s simply asking. And if we don’t get our way every time, that’s ok too. Maybe next time.